Title: Untitled
Author: Psycho Chloe
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: you know the drill...

CHAPTER 3:

Yulia and Lena finally elbowed their way out of the mass of people in the club. Yulia hopped out of the entrance to the paved sidewalk and peered behind her to make sure Lena made it to. Lena daintily skipped down the steps to where Yulia was standing. They were both tipsy, no doubt about it, maybe even drunk, but still fully aware of what they were doing. Yulia could get drunk but could probably still hold a conversation with a person, the only thing giving away the fact that she wasn't herself being her heavy eyes and somewhat stumbled walk. She knew she was almost gone, and tried to fight it as hard as she could, but couldn't keep her vision straight. Lena, on the other hand, holds her liquor well and was merely tipsy. The liquor calmed her, making her feel less nervous next to Yulia then she acctually was after kissing her on the dancefloor.

The girls began their walk down the cold, snowy streets of Moscow with Yulia leading the way. Lena didn't know at all where they were going, but didn't ask. The cold air bit at her exposed skin like sharp needles digging into her face and hands. Yulia sensed the older girl was trailing behind because of the cold, her chattering teeth giving it clearly away, and paused so she could catch up. Lena smiled at her friend when she reached her and they continued their walk.

Lena was confused. She was lost in what she was feeling for Yulia. She had never faced anything like this, and the more she thought about it, although it was difficult with the alchohol in her blood stream effecting her ability to think, the more she realised she never really wanted boys. Her thought was broken when she felt a small warm hand reach for hers. She looked down at her frozen fingers and noticed Yulia enveloping her hand in her own, slipping her fingers inbetween Lena's in an effort to warm them up. Lena smiled and blushed, sinking her head down into the turned-up collar of her jacket. She didn't feel very cold any more.

Yulia was happy. No, she was extatic! She hadn't been close to a girl before and so far it was the best. Lena was gorgeous in her eyes. Like a beautiful porcelain doll, so perfect in so many ways. Not to mention, she could kiss. Yulia grinned at the memory, but her smile faded when she remembered Lena had backed off in fear. She looked up at night sky for a moment. 'Someone up there really has it out for me.' She thought.

"Um..." Lena said, noticing they had stopped walking. Yulia turned around quickley to face Lena.

"Where are we going?" Lena asked timidly. Yulia looked around, she hadn't paid attention to where they were.

"A little further, it's a park. It's nice there, we can talk." Yulia concluded after taking in her surroundings and finally realising where they were.

*A FEW MINUTES LATER*

Yulia and Lena arrived at a half open rot-iron gate leading to a small park. There was no one there, and the night made it eery, but the girls wen't in anyway. They walked until they reached a small swingset. Yulia let go of Lena's hand and sat down tiredly on one of the swings. Lena stood leaning against one of the posts. There was a moment of awkward silence before Yulia began talking.

"Should we pick up where we left off before Sasha got us all drunk" Yulia asked with a slight chuckle. Lena giggled and looked at the girl. As small as she was she was quite intimidating.

Lena pushed herself off the post and walked over to the swing next to Yulia, falling into it like a ton of bricks. She sighed heavily and rocked back and forth a little. Yulia looked at her concerned.

"Well, see I...I mean," Lena was frustrated with herself, she didn't exactly know how to explain how she felt.

"Take your time, the night is still young!" Yulia said with a smile.

"Okay, here's how it is, I always thought I was straight. Okay? I never really thought about myself any other way. I never really thought about my sexuality, but lately, I don't know. It's like everything I ever knew about myself was acctually a big lie. Just one day I woke up and everything changed. I really started thinking about it, and the more I thought the more I changed. I tried putting myself in a position sexually with a guy, and nothing appealed to me. It didn't seem right to me. Sure I thought some guys were cute, or hot, but when I really broke it down, they meant nothing to me. Truth be told, all the guys I've been with never acctually 'turned me on', I just wen't with it 'cause that's what I was told was right, what was publicly accepted. I did it 'cause that's what I was told I was 'supposed' to do, not 'cause I really wanted it." Lena explained, her emotions slowly getting the better of her. Yulia sat and listened quietly to her friend explain herself. Lena was so lost, just like she was. It was Yulia's turn to help someone, like Sasha had helped her.

Lena stopped and took a deep breath, trying to control herself. 'Don't do this, Lena.' She mummbled quietly under her breath. She sniffed back hard, hoping to stop herself. Yulia reached out and put her hand on her shoulder, comforting the girl she was slowly falling for. Lena looked up and cleared a tear from her cheeck with the back of her hand.

"It's okay, I'm listening." Yulia cooed, running her hand up and down Lena's arm to sooth her very confused friend.

"Then tonight, with you," Lena began, averting her eyes from Yulia's, "I didn't care. I didn't care about what was wrong or right. I didn't care about anyone else. I didn't care about the people watching. I didn't care about anything. It felt so right, so good. I like you, Yul, I like you a lot. I barely know you but I can't help it. It's just all too much for one night. It's too soon. Why do things have to be so complicated? Why do they have to hurt so much?" Lena asked softly, looking up at Yulia for strength.

"Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest to face." Yulia replied. Lena smiled faintly.

"I stole that from a book." Yulia added with smile. Lena gave a slight laugh and rubbed the tears out of her eyes.

"What about your parents?" Yulia asked abruptly. Lena stopped and thought.

"I don't think they'd care, my cousin is gay, they don't seem to care about that." Lena answered.

"You're lucky." Yulia remarked.

"What about your parents?" Lena asked.

"My mom was okay, my dad, he's still weird around me." Yulia responded, now a little down-cast.

"Oh..." Lena mummbled, afraid she hurt Yulia.

"It's all right, really, I mean, he doesn't say anything, he's just differant around me. Anyway, we're not here about me, we're here about you." Yulia said, ending the topic on her parents.

"What do I do now?" Lena asked, completely drained of energy.

"What do you feel in your heart is right?" Yulia questioned.

"My heart tells me that what we shared on the dancefloor was right, but my head tells me the opposite." Lena replied. She was completely confused and completely lost.

"So your heart tells you you like girls and your head tells you thats it's wrong." Yulia concluded.

"Basically,"

"So you know you like girls, you're just not ready to go out and really do anything yet."

"Yeah,"

Yulia nodded and searched her pocket eagerly. She pulled out a small black marker and reached for Lena's hand. She scribbled on Lena's hand and then capped the marker, putting it back in her coat.

"Call me when you are." Yulia said with a big grin. Lena looked down and read what was on her hand. It was Yulia's name and number. Lena smiled.

"I promise you'll be the first one to know." Lena said, her heart fluttering. She felt like she was floating in mid air.

"We better get outa here before either of us catch pneumonia." Yulia said, standing up from the swing and taking Lena's hand again, "Can I walk you home?"

"I'd deffinitley like that." Lena replied.

*THAT NIGHT*

Lena lay awake in her bed. She couldn't sleep, not with all that happened. She continuously looked down at her hand to make sure Yulia's number was still there. She couldn't stop thinking of the girl. She had made her so confident in herself in only a few hours. Her eyes were so intruiging. She was so much fun, but she could still listen. Lena rolled over in her bed and looked at her clock for the millionth time that night. The numbers flashed 3:00 AM. She sighed and opened the drawer to her nightstand, pulling out a peice of paper and a pen. She quickley copied down the information on her hand, afraid it might come off before she called her. She grinned widely at the memory of Yulia, how it felt when she kissed her, when she held her hand. It was so perfect. But her mind still told her it was wrong.

"How could it be wrong?" She asked aloud to herself, "Why can't I agree with myself?"

'Geez, Lena, thing's have gotten so crazy you're even talking to yourself now!' She exclaimed in her mind. She slowly fell off her bed and walked over to her window that looked out onto her quiet suburbian street. Cracking the window open, she poked her head out and took a deep breath of the cold, night air.

"I think I'm losing my mind." She said quietly to herself, before closing her window and retreating back to her bed.

*THE NEXT MORNING*

Yulia's eyes flashed open. A wave of nausea washed over her. "Oh fuck," She yelped, jumping up in bed and running down to her bathroom. She slammed shut the door and sat down in front of the toilet. She groaned and held her stomach, waiting for the worst part of 'the next day' to come and go. "Oh come on," she pleaded with herself, "Let's just get this over with."

Suddenly, her eye's bugged out and she flew forward against the toilet seat, letting it all out. After the hell was over with, she reached out for the handel and flushed the toilet. She fell back against the wall and wrapped her arms around herself, moaning in pain. She reached next to her and yanked a towel off the rack, wiping her face off. Slowly, she stood up and walked to the sink, grabbing onto it with shaking hands. She turned on the freezing cold water and stuck her face beneath the faucet. She let the cool water run into her mouth and over her burning face. She eventually was able to pull herself away and turned the faucet off, grabbing another towel and trekking back to her room. She shuffled over to her bed, drying off her face with the towel, and fell into it, falling back asleep until 2 pm.